PRAXIS August 17, 2026
This is not my first foray into asceticism; many years ago I was practicing on a level much more advanced than to where I have fallen and now lay and am working up from. I had deviated from my strict lifestyle in youthful animalic id-resigned pursuit of hedonism at times, but also in pursuit of "noble" or "illuminated" goals/desires... which have proven to be nothing more than dreams, sweet as they were, that I have naturally been woken or been startlingly roused from. I must no longer be fickle and undisciplined. Thus over the past 2ish months I have put in effect some changes to my life.
- I have stopped consuming alcohol. First I limited myself to only drinking socially, then to only drinking when at some sort of larger event or gathering, and now do not drink ever.
- I am celibate in totality. This is something I have never truly wavered from, it was only broken within the bounds of a relationship that is now no longer but was spiritually enriching and "worth it". I now do not have sex, masturbate, or allow myself to be flirted with/receive romantic or sexual attention or anything of the sort. No further relationships will be pursued as I could never love/desire someone else and refuse to subject myself or anyone else to such degredation.
- I do not have a formal job and make only enough to get by via very menial, repetitive, boring, unenjoyable computer programming related gig work/commissions.
- I no longer eat for pleasure, to excess, to soothe boredom, etc. I eat small amounts of usually whole foods like meat, cheese, bread, rice, pasta, buckwheat, potato, avocado, beets, carrots, olives, and such things. Otherwise I just accept food I am offered or if necessary purchase the cheapest thing available. I drink only water, bitter tea, bitter coffee, coconut water, or rather unpleasant energy drinks.
- I hold myself back from unnecessary jabbering. Instead of talking just to talk I either remain silent or speak much less and with greater attention to what was just said to me and what I shall say in return.
- I dress inappropriately for the weather/temperature on purpose. If I know it will be hot I will dress in long sleeves or multiple layers so as to both preserve modesty and subject myself to mild discomfort. If I know it will be cold I opt for black tights under shorts instead of my commonly worn and much warmer black leggings, again seeking mild discomfort.
- I try to share all that I have with those around me even if it is meager.
- I have gotten rid of and intend to get rid of more unnecessary possessions.
- I spend much time simply staring off into space. I will stare at my wall, ceiling, or the darkness of my bedroom at night or the forest behind my house at night with no distractions or external stimulation. When I take public transport I do not listen to music in headphones or read. I either let my mind go blank and enter an almost trancelike state, which in its most extreme reminds me of what one must assume their existence/consciousness was before being born and perhaps could be after death.
- I perform self flagellation of sorts, which must not be discussed on Neocities!
- When not in the company of others I often choose to sleep on the floor. Regrettably mine is carpetted, at my old house it was hardwood which I would prefer. I hope to increase the frequency in which I do this.
